there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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