chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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