so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
