So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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