I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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