He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
