In America we eat man semen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
