dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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