just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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