got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
