I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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