if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
