but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
