We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
