6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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