nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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