The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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