Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
