i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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