Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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