Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
