I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
