best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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