I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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