Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
