I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
