the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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