i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
