If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So squirting runs in the family.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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