the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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