clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
