There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
