Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
