i was born a porn star she said
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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