his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
