In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
