Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
