so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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