I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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