so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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