I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
