Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
