i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
