Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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