Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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