I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
