Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
