She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
