I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
