my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
