It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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