She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
