Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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