Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
