I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
