Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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