yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They took my balls.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
