I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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