WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
