Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
