We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
