i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
