I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
