wanna go halves on a baby?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
