I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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