He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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