is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
