Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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