Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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