I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I could fuck to npr.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize