I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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