I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
