i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
