I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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