Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
