She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize