It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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