I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
