I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
