Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
