i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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