I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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