I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
