Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
