don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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