Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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